the wait

Its always interesting how life can never cease to amaze you. Especially so when you're as brash and impulsive as I am. Impulsive enough to chase after someone you barely know, someone you didn't know even existed mere weeks before. This impulsivity does not spring from a lack of knowledge or consideration; I like to think that I consider all the viewpoints others do. I know of the pitfalls and of risk of immolation in this flame. I just fear less.

Because I make myself believe. It is an innocent belief, one tempered by the experience of failure but not corrupted by it. It is a belief in those hours spent alone - talking and laughing and just languishing in the pleasure of being alive. Of being young and free, with dreams that could soar to take claim the heavens. It is a belief in kisses in the soft glow of the morning and objective debate over lunch. An awakening of passion within cold will.

And it is that belief that will carry me through, even now as we apply the brakes to this runaway train. Brash as I am, I recogize the need for waiting. For healing, even if it be more for her than I. There is so much to lose here, so much that could go wrong. Caught up in this roaring wind, it is agonizingly easy to feel immortality within your grasp. To feel untouchable. To go back to a time free from hurt and disappointment. It is not about flying too close to the sun, for one day I will, its about knowing when to take off.

But how do you wait? Can you stop yourself from bridging the gap when you both want each other so much? 4 months. She thinks she nearly gave in today. I wasn't very far behind. To me, gaps are a scourge, empty probations, undesired losses in momentum. But I have learned that nothing is instant, and that some things take time. And this seed will be given time to germinate. I can scarcely see myself at the end of all this. To finish it all with the same ideals. But for sheer will, which I claim as such a large part of me.


Its time to discover how much I've grown